Death

I'm not sure that there's anything more feared on this planet than death.  People are afraid dying.  People are afraid of other people dying.  People are afraid of animals, plants, and even objects dying.  I know that, personally, death scares the shit out of me, and unfortunately, I became all too familiar with the bastard early on in life.

My great grandmother, who favored me and was someone I looked up to, passed away when I was twelve. She was a strong woman despite her age and was certainly not past whooping us kids if we needed it. She gardened, cooked, cleaned, and did anything and everything. I even miss her yelling at me when I wouldn't eat all of my vegetables because I didn't like them. Why did this have to happen...

The next death I experienced is one that shocked us all. My friend Matt passed away suddenly. Well, he wasn't only my friend, but my very first boyfriend, as well. We were twelve. I remember the night I received the phone call about his death like it was yesterday. I honestly had thought it was an April Fool's joke, as it was April 2nd when his best friend called me, telling me the tragic news. All I could think about was how unfair it was to have someone my age be taken away from us all. We were too young. We still had Pokemon to play and wrestling to watch. It just wasn't fair...

After Matt's passing, my grandmother died of leukemia a couple of months later. This rocked my very being to the core. I loved my Grammy so much. Why did I have to lose another so close to me? I was only twelve. My grandma was supposed to be there to see me grow up, get married, see her grandkids, and live life with her cats. Oh, those cats. I'm not much of a cat person, but I would give both arms and legs to see her happy with those smelly animals again. If it wasn't for Grammy, I wouldn't be who I am. She helped mold me to love animals, reading books, and playing video games. She helped save lives, as she was a nurse, and was just an amazing person. Again, it just wasn't fair...

To add insult to an already injured spirit, my grandpa, married to my Grammy, passed away just hours before she did. He died of a heart attack. Sleepovers with my cousins at my grandparents' house would be no more. One of my favorite things ever growing up were Sunday mornings when Grandpa would bring us donuts for breakfast. To be young again...

Was this a series of unfortunate events? Absolutely. It was after all of this death and sadness that I became depressed and my outlook on life changed. I stopped believing in God and I questioned life. When I turned thirteen, I was put on my first series of antidepressants. At fourteen, I started to cut myself and became isolated. It's been a vicious cycle ever since. I'm not sure if these happenings are what drove me "crazy", but I know they didn't help. All I can do now is accept that what happened happened and learn to move on because it'll only happen again. I just don't know when.

Nowadays, I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure of that reason, but I think there's a purpose to every event that happens in life. Most of it may seem unfair, but that's life and with life comes death, the unnecessary evil. So for anyone that has experienced death, you are not alone. Whether by an illness, an accident, or a suicide, death happens and all we can do is learn to accept it and hope that the soul we lost is now at peace and in a better place.

Be sure to tell those close to you that you love them because you never know when death will rear his ugly face next.